by NINAD JOG
Here are some of my thoughts and quotations. I post them to Facebook as and when I think of them, starting from July 2009. They vary from profound to downright ridiculous, although not necessarily in that order.
The proof of the bedding is in the sleeping.
Overheard at Yellowstone National Park, "Honey, this is the Beehive Geyser!"
There's little to be gained from not counting calories, other than weight.
A promise unfulfilled is a promise reneged upon.
You can beat a cook, but you can't eat a book.
I wish I had time on my hands when I'm called upon to think on my feet. It shouldn't cost an arm and a leg.
Is "Freudian sleep" a Freudian slip for Freudian slip?
Never wear your mind on your sleeve when you have an ace up your sleeve.
Caramelized is a euphemism for burned, just as sauteed is a euphemism for fried.
A emailed B: "Are you back? If yes, welcome back. If not, I take the welcome back!"
I don't mind running around in circles, as long as it brings me back to square one.
Sneeze three times in a row, and you'll be thrice blessed.
Statistics isn't a synonym for lies, and theory isn't synonym for fiction.
An orange a day keeps the nurse away.
I don't mind going fishing, as long as it is for compliments.
Fish was no red meat, but I had always chickened from trying it.
When you get tanned, isn't it fair and lovely that fair is no longer lovely?
Do lesser mortals have more trouble understanding when less is more, more or less?
I must jog my memory to decide which errands I should run and which ones I should skip.
I don't mind pushing an elephant up the stairs as long as it's not a white elephant.
Different strokes for different folks: Embolic for some; hemorrhagic for others.
I'd rather pander a pet than pet a panda.
What I need to do is stop making a to-do about making a to-do list.
I don't like to hem and haw about anything. I prefer to haw and hem instead.
I let go of an Accord, only to gain some Insight.
If your insight serves to incite, I'd be wary of seeing it anywhere in sight.
When you have a bone to pick, it's best to make no bones about it.
I may not be a bull in a china shop, but I can't be easily cowed.
The pen may be mightier than the sword, but the pun is deadlier than the gun.
I'd rather push an elephant up the stairs than leave it in the room.
If you can't stand sitting down, standing up might sit well with you.
It's impossible to feel homesick when you're home, sick.
History has a knack for repeating itself when you are fixated on letting bygones be bygones.
Eclectic mix: a euphemism for hodgepodge.
Laughter is good for health, especially when it's all the way to the bank.
With enough will-power and effort, something that lies hopelessly in the realm of the insurmountable can slither silently into the reign of the possible.
Inappropriate laughter is seldom planned, but crocodile tears are seldom spontaneous.
I'm pretty good at reading, but I'm quite poor at comprehending what I've read.
I'd rather be a wolf in sheep's clothing than be a black sheep in a lone wolf's garb.
Good publicity is better than bad publicity, but any publicity is better than no publicity.
A bad pun is an oxymoron.
A man is better measured by what he gives than by what he acquires.
Wisdom listens when knowledge speaks, but ignorance smirks when folly fumes.
I look forward to getting my feet wet with some hands-on experience.
Influence is power without responsibility.
I may not be good at blowing balloons, but I don't mind deflating windbags.
May the won't of the minority trump the will of the majority.
The best cannot be bettered, but it can be bested by the bestest.
Someone who rubs you the wrong way and steps on your toes can be quite a pain in the ass.
Your life may well be an open book, but it's Greek to me.
I'd much rather split infinitives than split hairs.
If you have a bone to pick, pick the funny bone.
Of the numerous diseases, disorders and syndromes I'm afflicted with, two have been confirmed beyond a shadow of doubt: hypochondria and foot-in-the-mouth disease.
Can a tightfisted person be strong-armed into setting aside his ham-handed approach and mending his footloose ways? (Chinta's answer: Depends on how headstrong or spineless the person is.)
I like someone who is a friend, and I cherish anyone who is a friend friend. But I can't stand a friend friend friend or a friend friend friend friend.
When you come to a fork in the road, take it. When you come to a spoonerism, leave it well alone.
Tell me something you like about me, and I'll be your acquaintance. Tell me something you don't like about me, and I'll be your friend forever.
Being overtly aggressive beats being passive-aggressive.
Past failures guarantee future debacles when you're a pessimist.
It's easier to delude oneself than it is to deceive others.
Fantasy and reality are interchangeable when you're a child.
One who calls a spade a spade is a sheep in sheep's clothing.
You can show me the ropes, as long as there are no strings attached.
Gift me a house, and I will live forever in the present.
I can't make up my mind whether I'm indecisive or not.
I'd much rather face the music than play second fiddle.
An empty mind may be a devil's workshop, but an open mind is creativity's fountainhead.
Conservatives can spot proximate causes, but liberals excel at pinpointing ultimate reasons.
Donuts: a sugar-coated term for poison.
Simplistic simplicities are no more palatable than complicated complexities.
Dogs can be bitches, but cats are pussies.
Better late than never, but better early than late.
Only when I'm ravenously hungry do I not mind eating crow.
Homostasis is when a gay couple sticks together in the face of threats to their relationship.
Filled am I with ire
With my mind afire
As I read the collected works
Of William Safire
A stone contains one tone.
Rolling stones may gather no moss, but sliding fortunes can rack up a big loss.
Hindsight may always be twenty-twenty, but forsythias in spring are a dime a dozen.
Everyone in the gay world has a Richard. But few have spherical objects.
It's easier to be in the no than to be in the know when you're in denial.
Pay no attention to what I don't say, disirregardless of whether I say or don't say.
Early to bed and late to rise keeps a man from being sleep deprived.
One man's profundity is another man's inanity.
A superstitious atheist is no less hypocritical than a devout criminal.
Planned spontaneity is something that I'm decidedly ambivalent about.
I wonder why no one ever taught me the age-old proverb that I was clueless about for several years, "When ignorance is bliss, it's folly to be wise."
I'd rather be a forty-nothing than a forty-something.
Back when I was twenty-something, I thought I knew everything there was to know. Now that I'm forty-something, I know everything there is to know.
There's a thin line between picking up the gauntlet and picking a fight.
I'd rather have a smoothie than a roughie.
A vengefulness born of frustration can be mistaken for kindness.
The rational part of your brain can be cold and logical, but the emotional part can be mercilessly vindictive when you’re an object of pity.
I’m a teetotaler who totally avoids tea.
I don't watch what I say. I listen to it, but only after I've said it.
I'd rather be a tight cannon than a loose one.
A headline on the front page of the New York Times says, "Summers Predicts Job Growth by Spring." In the dead of winter, is the NYT making Obama's economic advisor a fall guy?
It's impossible to like or dislike something if you like what you dislike.
Fair-weather friend: One who remains a friend through thick and thick.
One can never be too thick to realize there’s a thin line between self-deprecation and self-denigration.
Short though my name is, people ask me to spell it out. Since repetition enhances learning, I tell them N as in Ninad, I as in Inad, N as in Nad, A as in Ad and D as in donkey.
Nodding acquaintance: A person whose name we’ve forgotten by the time we meet them at the next social event.
If you tell a joke in a forest, but nobody laughs, it’s still a joke. But if you tell a joke while you’re falling off a cliff, it’s not funny at all.
A person who is in denial never lets the facts intrude upon his beliefs.
I'm not a cry-baby anymore. I'm a cry adult.
If you'd rather not try your hand at being a stand-up comedian, try your butt at being a sit-down clown. (Just don't complain if you become the butt of all jokes.)
Wordplay is far more fulfilling than one-play, two-play and three-play.
When I turned forty, my narrow waist and narrower mind exchanged places.
Carwash: a synonym for hogwash
It's better to be safe than to wear a sari.
Discipline: a euphemism for rigidity.
Half a slice is better than no bread.
Never confuse learning something with believing in it.
Altruist: a politically correct term for sucker.
I may not believe in what you think, but I can believe in what you do.
Never let the price of your ignorance exceed the cost of your knowledge.
When diplomacy isn't your strong suit, you run the risk of getting caught with your pants down.
Critique is a euphemism for criticize, just as sauteed is a euphemism for fried.
Isn't it irksome when people repeat superfluous, redundant words again and again?
Who says I'm a non-believer? I'm a staunch believer in atheism.
I may not know all there is to know, but I sure act like I do.
Money is like religion: it creates more problems than it solves.
Nothing smells fishy to an anosmic person, and a rose by an other name is just as fragrance-free.
All red wines taste alike, just as all cars look the same.
I'd rather be a bit player than a byte player. There's no point in biting off more than you can chew.
Something unacceptable isn't quite as unacceptable as something that's completely unacceptable.
Workers enjoy the journey, while managers are eager to reach the destination.
Seeing is believing, unless you believe in not seeing.
I'm proud of my humility, and I'm not humble about my pride.
Bookworm: A person for whom a thousand words are worth a picture.
A holy man beseeches his followers; a holier-than-thou man besmirches them.
I would have been happy to hold a grudge, if only I could remember what the grudge was.
Unable: a euphemism for unwilling
Brevity is a handmaiden of levity, and tomes are the foot-soldiers of wonks.
Woe betide those who equate their rigidity and inflexibility with discipline.
Fury can disguise suspicions as facts, and cloak false beliefs in the garb of evidence.
The more things change, the less they remain the same.
Cautious: A euphemism for conservative.
You can't be gung-ho about a smoking gun if it forms a smokescreen.
When you enter a dentist's office, you're judged by your appearance. When you leave, by your wisdom teeth.
We seldom notice when our friends prove us right, but we never forget when we prove our enemies wrong.
Stating the obvious becomes a gift when we miss things hiding in plain sight.
Since nouns can be verbed, I fridge my groceries and gas my car.
Tough love is indistinguishable from soft hate.
Tough love and soft hate are the same side of the same coin.
Obliviousness is far too often mistaken for courage.
Breakfast like a pauper
Lunch like a prince
Eat a dinner large enough
To make a king wince
The wisdom of an old fart is no match for the zeal of a Young Turk.
Since rolling friction is less than sliding friction, it follows that truth is stranger than friction.
A vixen without vivacity has no virtue, and an iconoclast without insolence cuts no ice.
I couldn't bear to wolf down the fish, so I chickened out and had to eat crow. Oh, deer!
If you're wary of a storm in a teacup, wait till you come across a tornado in a teacup.
When metabolism goes south, the figure goes east and west.
When God is in the details, you can eat your cake and have it too.
It's better to have not loved than to have loved and lost.
'Good for you': A phrase whose superficiality is rivaled only by its patronizing tone.
The wise man forgoes medications in favor of medicines; the fool takes neither.
One man's medicine is another man's poison.
Some conundrums are best resolved by fools.
Tough times never last, and neither do tough people.
The converse seldom trumps the contrapositive.
‘I’m happy for you’ is a euphemistic way of saying, ‘I’m sad for myself.’
One who can’t dance to save his own life dances like there is a tomorrow.
Lanky legs: A euphemism for chicken legs.
If it ain’t broke, act to keep it from breaking.
Some things are easier done than said.
Familiarity breeds fondness, except when it breeds contempt.
Bachelor of three trades, master of one.
Master of all trades, doctor of none.
A cat’s meow is louder than a paper tiger’s roar.
The early bird eats nothing but worms.
The spoof of the pudding is in the eating.
Just For Grins
He who has the last laugh also has the most grotesque grin.
Grin from ear to ear, and groan from mouth to snout.
If you can’t grin and bear it, just groan and bear it.
When forced to eat a dish you dislike, you can either grin and bear it, or groan and wolf it down.
A grin is but a couple of vowels away from a groan.
Innocent Awakenings
While in every parting there is an image of death, in every sibling’s death there is an image of our own parting.
The memory of a single unpleasant childhood experience can be more tenacious than the recollection of a delightful daily routine.
Unpleasant surprises spawn uncharitable feelings.
Seeing is believing even when you’re an adult, but not seeing is not believing when you’re a child.
It's all too easy to mistake a swan song for a chirp; an eloquent coda for a mundane twitter.
Time may heal all wounds, but it is also adept at adding pages to a person's Book of Regrets.
Growing up lies squarely in the realm of fiction when you’re a toddler. Each day is interminably long, and if you can't grow up from one day to the next, what hope can there be for ever growing up? What do months and years mean, anyway?
Dwellings are cavernous when we are young, but time shrinks mansions to rabbit-holes, and morphs children into adults.
Personal Experience
As I turned forty, my narrow mind and broad waist exchanged places.
Some people read the New York Times to broaden their minds. I read it to confirm my prejudices.
All cars look alike, even during daytime.
"How would you like your coffee? Caf or decaf?" When I'm asked that question, I'm neither overwhelmed nor underwhelmed. I'm simply whelmed.
Losing one's sense of smell has its drawbacks. As I inadvertently step into a dropping while walking in the morning on a Mumbai street, it's hard to tell if the mound is a dog's, a cow's or a human's. They've made feces; I make faces.
I may be a walking encyclopedia, but I’m not an orbiting one.
***
A seasoned critic seldom mistakes creativity for plagiarism.
One's thoughts seem harmonious when one is madly in love with oneself.
Delight and disgust have a ditty in common.
Delight and disgust are opposite sides of two different coins.
When ignorance is bliss, the wise guy is as impotent as the wise man.
The cacophony of one's thoughts is as melodious as a diva's aria.
I bought a CD for a song, only to discover that it contained a dozen of them.
An imp is a flamboyant wimp.
You may practice what you teach, but you must publish what you preach.
What goes up must keep going up when you’re a windbag.
Only a devil can weave a story that an angel fears to thread.
Silence may be more eloquent than speech, but actions speak louder than both.
The gay world is a place where truth is queerer than fiction.
Brevity is the soul of a twit.
I’d rather be a smartass than a dumbass.
A smartass is a bigger pain in the ass than a dumbass.
Envy has a loud voice, but jealousy skulks silently.
Grapes taste sweet, until someone points out that they are sour.
Windbags post quotes; narcissists post status updates.
An absence of large-heartedness goes hand-in-hand with a surfeit of small-mindedness.
People living in wax houses shouldn’t turn the heat on others.
What’s difficult to memorize is often impossible to forget.
Ask not what I’m wont to do, ask what I won’t do.
Maturity: a euphemism for mellowing.
"American humor" would be my favorite oxymoron, if I wasn't decidedly ambivalent about oxymorons.
There's a fine line between a smartass and a dumbass, akin to the separation between courage and foolhardiness. But there's also a fine line between a profound statement and an inane one.
People don’t fall by the wayside, but memories do.
Altruism: a prime example of an oxymoron.
Where there’s a will, there’s a won’t.
Let bi-gones be bi-gones, and gaygones be gaygones.
The distinction between natural and artificial is purely artificial.
Time and tide wait for no man, woman, child or eunuch.
The pun is mightier than the word.
I may not have a sweet tooth, but I do have an acerbic tongue.
Here are some of my thoughts and quotations. I post them to Facebook as and when I think of them, starting from July 2009. They vary from profound to downright ridiculous, although not necessarily in that order.
The proof of the bedding is in the sleeping.
Overheard at Yellowstone National Park, "Honey, this is the Beehive Geyser!"
There's little to be gained from not counting calories, other than weight.
A promise unfulfilled is a promise reneged upon.
You can beat a cook, but you can't eat a book.
I wish I had time on my hands when I'm called upon to think on my feet. It shouldn't cost an arm and a leg.
Is "Freudian sleep" a Freudian slip for Freudian slip?
Never wear your mind on your sleeve when you have an ace up your sleeve.
Caramelized is a euphemism for burned, just as sauteed is a euphemism for fried.
A emailed B: "Are you back? If yes, welcome back. If not, I take the welcome back!"
I don't mind running around in circles, as long as it brings me back to square one.
Sneeze three times in a row, and you'll be thrice blessed.
Statistics isn't a synonym for lies, and theory isn't synonym for fiction.
An orange a day keeps the nurse away.
I don't mind going fishing, as long as it is for compliments.
Fish was no red meat, but I had always chickened from trying it.
When you get tanned, isn't it fair and lovely that fair is no longer lovely?
Do lesser mortals have more trouble understanding when less is more, more or less?
I must jog my memory to decide which errands I should run and which ones I should skip.
I don't mind pushing an elephant up the stairs as long as it's not a white elephant.
Different strokes for different folks: Embolic for some; hemorrhagic for others.
I'd rather pander a pet than pet a panda.
What I need to do is stop making a to-do about making a to-do list.
I don't like to hem and haw about anything. I prefer to haw and hem instead.
I let go of an Accord, only to gain some Insight.
If your insight serves to incite, I'd be wary of seeing it anywhere in sight.
When you have a bone to pick, it's best to make no bones about it.
I may not be a bull in a china shop, but I can't be easily cowed.
The pen may be mightier than the sword, but the pun is deadlier than the gun.
I'd rather push an elephant up the stairs than leave it in the room.
If you can't stand sitting down, standing up might sit well with you.
It's impossible to feel homesick when you're home, sick.
History has a knack for repeating itself when you are fixated on letting bygones be bygones.
Eclectic mix: a euphemism for hodgepodge.
Laughter is good for health, especially when it's all the way to the bank.
With enough will-power and effort, something that lies hopelessly in the realm of the insurmountable can slither silently into the reign of the possible.
Inappropriate laughter is seldom planned, but crocodile tears are seldom spontaneous.
I'm pretty good at reading, but I'm quite poor at comprehending what I've read.
I'd rather be a wolf in sheep's clothing than be a black sheep in a lone wolf's garb.
Good publicity is better than bad publicity, but any publicity is better than no publicity.
A bad pun is an oxymoron.
A man is better measured by what he gives than by what he acquires.
Wisdom listens when knowledge speaks, but ignorance smirks when folly fumes.
I look forward to getting my feet wet with some hands-on experience.
Influence is power without responsibility.
I may not be good at blowing balloons, but I don't mind deflating windbags.
May the won't of the minority trump the will of the majority.
The best cannot be bettered, but it can be bested by the bestest.
Someone who rubs you the wrong way and steps on your toes can be quite a pain in the ass.
Your life may well be an open book, but it's Greek to me.
I'd much rather split infinitives than split hairs.
If you have a bone to pick, pick the funny bone.
Of the numerous diseases, disorders and syndromes I'm afflicted with, two have been confirmed beyond a shadow of doubt: hypochondria and foot-in-the-mouth disease.
Can a tightfisted person be strong-armed into setting aside his ham-handed approach and mending his footloose ways? (Chinta's answer: Depends on how headstrong or spineless the person is.)
I like someone who is a friend, and I cherish anyone who is a friend friend. But I can't stand a friend friend friend or a friend friend friend friend.
When you come to a fork in the road, take it. When you come to a spoonerism, leave it well alone.
Tell me something you like about me, and I'll be your acquaintance. Tell me something you don't like about me, and I'll be your friend forever.
Being overtly aggressive beats being passive-aggressive.
Past failures guarantee future debacles when you're a pessimist.
It's easier to delude oneself than it is to deceive others.
Fantasy and reality are interchangeable when you're a child.
One who calls a spade a spade is a sheep in sheep's clothing.
You can show me the ropes, as long as there are no strings attached.
Gift me a house, and I will live forever in the present.
I can't make up my mind whether I'm indecisive or not.
I'd much rather face the music than play second fiddle.
An empty mind may be a devil's workshop, but an open mind is creativity's fountainhead.
Conservatives can spot proximate causes, but liberals excel at pinpointing ultimate reasons.
Donuts: a sugar-coated term for poison.
Simplistic simplicities are no more palatable than complicated complexities.
Dogs can be bitches, but cats are pussies.
Better late than never, but better early than late.
Only when I'm ravenously hungry do I not mind eating crow.
Homostasis is when a gay couple sticks together in the face of threats to their relationship.
Filled am I with ire
With my mind afire
As I read the collected works
Of William Safire
A stone contains one tone.
Rolling stones may gather no moss, but sliding fortunes can rack up a big loss.
Hindsight may always be twenty-twenty, but forsythias in spring are a dime a dozen.
Everyone in the gay world has a Richard. But few have spherical objects.
It's easier to be in the no than to be in the know when you're in denial.
Pay no attention to what I don't say, disirregardless of whether I say or don't say.
Early to bed and late to rise keeps a man from being sleep deprived.
One man's profundity is another man's inanity.
A superstitious atheist is no less hypocritical than a devout criminal.
Planned spontaneity is something that I'm decidedly ambivalent about.
I wonder why no one ever taught me the age-old proverb that I was clueless about for several years, "When ignorance is bliss, it's folly to be wise."
I'd rather be a forty-nothing than a forty-something.
Back when I was twenty-something, I thought I knew everything there was to know. Now that I'm forty-something, I know everything there is to know.
There's a thin line between picking up the gauntlet and picking a fight.
I'd rather have a smoothie than a roughie.
A vengefulness born of frustration can be mistaken for kindness.
The rational part of your brain can be cold and logical, but the emotional part can be mercilessly vindictive when you’re an object of pity.
I’m a teetotaler who totally avoids tea.
I don't watch what I say. I listen to it, but only after I've said it.
I'd rather be a tight cannon than a loose one.
A headline on the front page of the New York Times says, "Summers Predicts Job Growth by Spring." In the dead of winter, is the NYT making Obama's economic advisor a fall guy?
It's impossible to like or dislike something if you like what you dislike.
Fair-weather friend: One who remains a friend through thick and thick.
One can never be too thick to realize there’s a thin line between self-deprecation and self-denigration.
Short though my name is, people ask me to spell it out. Since repetition enhances learning, I tell them N as in Ninad, I as in Inad, N as in Nad, A as in Ad and D as in donkey.
Nodding acquaintance: A person whose name we’ve forgotten by the time we meet them at the next social event.
If you tell a joke in a forest, but nobody laughs, it’s still a joke. But if you tell a joke while you’re falling off a cliff, it’s not funny at all.
A person who is in denial never lets the facts intrude upon his beliefs.
I'm not a cry-baby anymore. I'm a cry adult.
If you'd rather not try your hand at being a stand-up comedian, try your butt at being a sit-down clown. (Just don't complain if you become the butt of all jokes.)
Wordplay is far more fulfilling than one-play, two-play and three-play.
When I turned forty, my narrow waist and narrower mind exchanged places.
Carwash: a synonym for hogwash
It's better to be safe than to wear a sari.
Discipline: a euphemism for rigidity.
Half a slice is better than no bread.
Never confuse learning something with believing in it.
Altruist: a politically correct term for sucker.
I may not believe in what you think, but I can believe in what you do.
Never let the price of your ignorance exceed the cost of your knowledge.
When diplomacy isn't your strong suit, you run the risk of getting caught with your pants down.
Critique is a euphemism for criticize, just as sauteed is a euphemism for fried.
Isn't it irksome when people repeat superfluous, redundant words again and again?
Who says I'm a non-believer? I'm a staunch believer in atheism.
I may not know all there is to know, but I sure act like I do.
Money is like religion: it creates more problems than it solves.
Nothing smells fishy to an anosmic person, and a rose by an other name is just as fragrance-free.
All red wines taste alike, just as all cars look the same.
I'd rather be a bit player than a byte player. There's no point in biting off more than you can chew.
Something unacceptable isn't quite as unacceptable as something that's completely unacceptable.
Workers enjoy the journey, while managers are eager to reach the destination.
Seeing is believing, unless you believe in not seeing.
I'm proud of my humility, and I'm not humble about my pride.
Bookworm: A person for whom a thousand words are worth a picture.
A holy man beseeches his followers; a holier-than-thou man besmirches them.
I would have been happy to hold a grudge, if only I could remember what the grudge was.
Unable: a euphemism for unwilling
Brevity is a handmaiden of levity, and tomes are the foot-soldiers of wonks.
Woe betide those who equate their rigidity and inflexibility with discipline.
Fury can disguise suspicions as facts, and cloak false beliefs in the garb of evidence.
The more things change, the less they remain the same.
Cautious: A euphemism for conservative.
You can't be gung-ho about a smoking gun if it forms a smokescreen.
When you enter a dentist's office, you're judged by your appearance. When you leave, by your wisdom teeth.
We seldom notice when our friends prove us right, but we never forget when we prove our enemies wrong.
Stating the obvious becomes a gift when we miss things hiding in plain sight.
Since nouns can be verbed, I fridge my groceries and gas my car.
Tough love is indistinguishable from soft hate.
Tough love and soft hate are the same side of the same coin.
Obliviousness is far too often mistaken for courage.
Breakfast like a pauper
Lunch like a prince
Eat a dinner large enough
To make a king wince
The wisdom of an old fart is no match for the zeal of a Young Turk.
Since rolling friction is less than sliding friction, it follows that truth is stranger than friction.
A vixen without vivacity has no virtue, and an iconoclast without insolence cuts no ice.
I couldn't bear to wolf down the fish, so I chickened out and had to eat crow. Oh, deer!
If you're wary of a storm in a teacup, wait till you come across a tornado in a teacup.
When metabolism goes south, the figure goes east and west.
When God is in the details, you can eat your cake and have it too.
It's better to have not loved than to have loved and lost.
'Good for you': A phrase whose superficiality is rivaled only by its patronizing tone.
The wise man forgoes medications in favor of medicines; the fool takes neither.
One man's medicine is another man's poison.
Some conundrums are best resolved by fools.
Tough times never last, and neither do tough people.
The converse seldom trumps the contrapositive.
‘I’m happy for you’ is a euphemistic way of saying, ‘I’m sad for myself.’
One who can’t dance to save his own life dances like there is a tomorrow.
Lanky legs: A euphemism for chicken legs.
If it ain’t broke, act to keep it from breaking.
Some things are easier done than said.
Familiarity breeds fondness, except when it breeds contempt.
Bachelor of three trades, master of one.
Master of all trades, doctor of none.
A cat’s meow is louder than a paper tiger’s roar.
The early bird eats nothing but worms.
The spoof of the pudding is in the eating.
Just For Grins
He who has the last laugh also has the most grotesque grin.
Grin from ear to ear, and groan from mouth to snout.
If you can’t grin and bear it, just groan and bear it.
When forced to eat a dish you dislike, you can either grin and bear it, or groan and wolf it down.
A grin is but a couple of vowels away from a groan.
Innocent Awakenings
While in every parting there is an image of death, in every sibling’s death there is an image of our own parting.
The memory of a single unpleasant childhood experience can be more tenacious than the recollection of a delightful daily routine.
Unpleasant surprises spawn uncharitable feelings.
Seeing is believing even when you’re an adult, but not seeing is not believing when you’re a child.
It's all too easy to mistake a swan song for a chirp; an eloquent coda for a mundane twitter.
Time may heal all wounds, but it is also adept at adding pages to a person's Book of Regrets.
Growing up lies squarely in the realm of fiction when you’re a toddler. Each day is interminably long, and if you can't grow up from one day to the next, what hope can there be for ever growing up? What do months and years mean, anyway?
Dwellings are cavernous when we are young, but time shrinks mansions to rabbit-holes, and morphs children into adults.
Personal Experience
As I turned forty, my narrow mind and broad waist exchanged places.
Some people read the New York Times to broaden their minds. I read it to confirm my prejudices.
All cars look alike, even during daytime.
"How would you like your coffee? Caf or decaf?" When I'm asked that question, I'm neither overwhelmed nor underwhelmed. I'm simply whelmed.
Losing one's sense of smell has its drawbacks. As I inadvertently step into a dropping while walking in the morning on a Mumbai street, it's hard to tell if the mound is a dog's, a cow's or a human's. They've made feces; I make faces.
I may be a walking encyclopedia, but I’m not an orbiting one.
***
A seasoned critic seldom mistakes creativity for plagiarism.
One's thoughts seem harmonious when one is madly in love with oneself.
Delight and disgust have a ditty in common.
Delight and disgust are opposite sides of two different coins.
When ignorance is bliss, the wise guy is as impotent as the wise man.
The cacophony of one's thoughts is as melodious as a diva's aria.
I bought a CD for a song, only to discover that it contained a dozen of them.
An imp is a flamboyant wimp.
You may practice what you teach, but you must publish what you preach.
What goes up must keep going up when you’re a windbag.
Only a devil can weave a story that an angel fears to thread.
Silence may be more eloquent than speech, but actions speak louder than both.
The gay world is a place where truth is queerer than fiction.
Brevity is the soul of a twit.
I’d rather be a smartass than a dumbass.
A smartass is a bigger pain in the ass than a dumbass.
Envy has a loud voice, but jealousy skulks silently.
Grapes taste sweet, until someone points out that they are sour.
Windbags post quotes; narcissists post status updates.
An absence of large-heartedness goes hand-in-hand with a surfeit of small-mindedness.
People living in wax houses shouldn’t turn the heat on others.
What’s difficult to memorize is often impossible to forget.
Ask not what I’m wont to do, ask what I won’t do.
Maturity: a euphemism for mellowing.
"American humor" would be my favorite oxymoron, if I wasn't decidedly ambivalent about oxymorons.
There's a fine line between a smartass and a dumbass, akin to the separation between courage and foolhardiness. But there's also a fine line between a profound statement and an inane one.
People don’t fall by the wayside, but memories do.
Altruism: a prime example of an oxymoron.
Where there’s a will, there’s a won’t.
Let bi-gones be bi-gones, and gaygones be gaygones.
The distinction between natural and artificial is purely artificial.
Time and tide wait for no man, woman, child or eunuch.
The pun is mightier than the word.
I may not have a sweet tooth, but I do have an acerbic tongue.
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