Announcing Khush-Baltimore

February 16, 2008

Hi All,

I would like to announce the formation of Khush-Baltimore, a new Yahoo group (i.e. listserv). Khush-Baltimore is a discussion, social and support group for LGBT people of South Asian descent and their friends. This group will make it easier to set up group events in the Baltimore area such as potlucks, dinners at restaurants, educational and health-related discussion meetings, etc.

The creation of this group was long overdue, especially now that there is a 'critical mass' of at least a dozen LGBT people of South Asian descent living in the Baltimore area. The group details are as follows:

Membership: Real and Known People

While membership to the KhushDC yahoo group (i.e. KhushDC listserv) is open to anyone who requests membership, I think membership to Khush-Baltimore should be restricted to 'real and known' people. This restriction certainly excludes virtual robots: programs that pose as people and join just to spam the group with commercial ads and/or sexually explicit posts.

It also excludes closeted people - i.e. people who may well be South Asian LGBT Baltimore residents, but who have never met or spoken to any of the existing group members. Excluding such people will deprive them of the chance to post messages to the group, join in the group discussions and derive voyeuristic delight from reading other people's posts without ever having to reveal their own identity. This restriction would also make the group into a 'somewhat-safe' space - if not an 'ultra-safe' space; it will certainly be a 'safer' space than the KhushDC yahoo group.

The 'Real-And-Known' restriction is easy to implement. A person requesting membership can say, "I know person X from this group, and X knows me." The group moderator/owner can verify that with X, and then approve the membership if X knows the new person.

Membership: Open to All

I think the above 'Real-and-Known People Restriction' should be just about the only membership restriction. Membership to this Yahoo group should NOT be limited to those who live in the Baltimore area; it should be open to all regardless of where they live. Many of us - including I - live in DC or in a DC suburb, but we have friends in Baltimore and would like to attend Baltimore events and participate in the group discussions.

Group membership should also be open to non-South Asians and non-LGBT people - as long as they too are real and known!

Free Speech

I would like the Khush-Baltimore yahoo group to be as accepting of free speech as the KhushDC yahoo group is. That excludes spam and commercial postings. Since the KhushDC-Baltimore is not categorized as an 'adult' group, I think Yahoo's policies also exclude sexually explicit and prurient postings. Once these rules are in place, the term "Group Moderator" becomes a misnomer, since the moderator's duties consist mostly of approving memberships rather than censoring postings.

Passing the Baton

While I'm all in favor of an open membership - albeit restricted to real, known people - I think it's best if the Moderator(s)/Owner(s) of this group is/are LGBT South Asian, Baltimore-area residents. That automatically disqualifies me from being the group moderator. I am LGBT and South Asian, but I don't live in or near Baltimore.

Deejay - an esteemed Baltimore-area LGBT South Asian - has graciously agreed to be the group's moderator. I would like to have at least one more group moderator, so please let me know if you're interested and if you're a Baltimore-area resident.

As the creator of this group, I am currently its moderator, but I shall hand over the reins to Deejay and the other person(s) in a little over a week - by Monday February 25th to be precise. Until then, I'm going to use my dictatorial tendencies and high opinion of myself to supervise the birthing process of this group!

After that, it will be up to the moderators and the group members to set the group's policies such as membership criteria, whether the group's postings are moderated or not, etc. My thoughts on those matters that I've expressed above are just my thoughts; please do not feel obliged to follow them. Come February 25th, the ball will truly be in Baltimore's court.

Splintering and Parallelism

Some of you may see in Khush-Baltimore a rival to KhushDC, and therefore as a direct threat and an alternate power-center that can splinter KhushDC or abrade from it. You may decry the necessity of a "parallel discussion group, when KhushDC should suffice."

My experience leads me to the opposite conclusion. Almost ten years ago, a couple of us started a gay group ostensibly for Marathi-speaking people, but which ended up being more of a group for LGBTs who grew up in Mumbai (Bombay). At first, some folks attended only that group's events and stayed away from KhushDC events. As those folks came to know more about KhushDC from meeting other members of the Marathi group, their interest in KhushDC was piqued and they eventually started attending KhushDC events.

I like to think that absent the Marathi group, those people would have stayed away from KhushDC to this day. The Marathi group served as a springboard for them to join KhushDC.

To be honest, there are a few people who attend only Marathi group events and not KhushDC events to this day. Again I like to think that absent the Marathi group, these people would still not have attended any KhushDC events; now the Marathi group's presence leads them to participate in at least one South Asian LGBT group, even if that group is not KhushDC.

I do not know a whole lot about KhushDC-Girls, but I won’t be surprised if the scenario with that group is similar to that of the Marathi group. The creation of subgroups - whether based on language, gender or geographical region - may well appear to weaken KhushDC, but I think it actually strengthens KhushDC and the South Asian LGBT community in the long run. I don't think Khush-Baltimore will be an exception to this trend.

Air of Inevitability

Regardless of whether we look favorably or unfavorably upon DC-Baltimore area South Asian LGBT subgroups, I believe the creation of such subgroups has an air of inevitability about them. As the area's South Asian population surges and more and more people become comfortable with coming out, they will seek to participate in narrower subgroups - either in addition to joining KhushDC, the umbrella group - or in lieu of it. In either case, it will strengthen - rather than weaken - the community.

Subgroups may well remain word-of-mouth, loosely structured and anonymous for several years (for example, the group of DC-area Bengali-speaking LGBT) or they may "come out" in the open - as Gay-Marathi-DC, KhushDC-Girls and Khush-Baltimore have. But the spawning of such subgroups will continue into the future.

I am reminded of a similar splintering and spawning that took place on an international stage about 15 years ago. In the beginning, there was just one 'listserv' (i.e. the email group) in the world for South Asian LGBT people, the 'khush-list' listserv. Eventually, new listservs were created based on geographical area: one for San Francisco, another for New York, one for KhushDC, etc. as more LGBT people started coming out, became Internet savvy and as it became easier to create listservs. A number of people bemoaned that splintering and thought it weakened the international South Asian LGBT community.

I just hope the subgroups don't become so narrow that we eventually have a subgroup for say - "DC-area LGBT - but not Q - Hindu transplants raised in Delhi belonging to caste X, subcaste Y who went to a Catholic high school and got their undergraduate - but not graduate - degree from Aligarh Muslim University."

To Sum Up

My apologies for this long post. The passage of time has robbed me of my innocence and my brevity. The loss of the latter is far more sorrowful than the loss of the former. And besides, who can resist make much of an ado about nothing?

Do visit Khush-Baltimore by clicking:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Khush-Baltimore

To subscribe, please send an email to Khush-Baltimore-subscribe @ yahoogroups.com. You need not be LGBT or South Asian or even a Baltimore-area resident, but you better be real!

--Ninad Jog

KhushDC Board

February State of the Chutney Address

February 7, 2008

Hi All,

Here's the monthly State of the Chutney Address. It's delayed, but unless you mistake it for justice, you won't think it's denied.

Succulent Synopsis

February's Chutney dinner was a freestyle buffet dinner at Singapore Bistro restaurant in downtown DC south of Dupont Circle. 37 people attended, of whom all but one dined, many wined and a few whined. The crowd was as diverse - if not diverser - as it always is.

It was the first time that we had a buffet dinner for a Chutney Saturday event. We have always had sit-down dinners before and the billing has always been challenging. It was refreshingly simple this time. The buffet cost $18 and everyone got cash - and many got exact change - so we collected $18 x 36 = $650. The restaurant charged people separately for drinks, and I'm guessing that our party must have netted them a total of $800 to $1000 that evening.

There were eight to ten dishes at the buffet, and the vegetarian ones were the most popular. They were not marked as being vegetarian and thereby caused needless confusion to vegetarians and vegans. That's something that we need to take care of at future Chutney dinners.

The restaurant placed us in their party room on the third floor, and we had the place to ourselves. Dinner was supposed to start at 7.30 and was ready at that time. But we first had drinks, and we started having dinner only at 8.15 or so. So the event turned out to be an enjoyable and neatly split two-part event: drinks followed by dinner, just as we used to have it until a couple of years ago with drinks at Titans club followed by dinner elsewhere.

We have decided to have buffet dinners at future Chutney Saturdays - they beat sit-down individual-order dinners. In hindsight, we should have switched to the buffet format months ago. But better late than never, I suppose.

The Early Effect

It did not matter whether people showed up on time or not, since it was a buffet dinner in a long 7.30-10 pm window. You're welcome to come on Indian Standard Time (IST) - or if you're politically correct, South Asian Standard Time (SAST) - at future Chutney dinner buffets. Timeliness is somewhat of an issue only when it's a non-buffet, sit-down dinner, and a few folks have ended up coming late in the past.

As if to compensate for those folks' past tardiness, an esteemed KhushDC member (I shall not name her to protect her privacy) came to last Saturday's chutney dinner an hour early - at 6.30 pm - with her partner. They sat at the bar and had drinks, and waiters at the restaurant would ask them every five minutes, "What time is the dinner? The food takes a long time to cook, so we need to know!" The early birds get the waiters, as the saying goes... Early, early.

Firsts Among Equals

Chutneys always have their fair share of luminaries. Atul and Yassir - KhushDC's co-founders - graced the occasion, as did P, P and D-I-P, who were KhushDC's President, Treasurer and Vice-President two years ago. Their presence made me aware of a striking absence: none of the folks from KhushDC's most recent previous Board could make it. I know one of them was traveling.

Now Chutney is not one of those smarmy-nanny "attendance-is-compulsory-for ex-Board member" events, but the contrast between the presence of one set of ex-Board members and the concomitant, simultaneous absence of a more recent set was nonetheless noticeable.

Having thrown stones at others, I just remembered that I live in a glass house. Of the five members of the current Board, only two could make it. The others did help organize the event though. And since the event was a buffet, we did not need a tag team of three or four board members to do the billing!

Also notable was the presence of someone who I think of as an elder statesman - or more precisely - stateswoman along with her partner. Much as I am tempted to, I shall refrain from dropping names, just as I did earlier. Shiv, Shiv! Earlier, earlier...

Tenured and Titled

First though all the above folks are, they are merely first among equals. One person - let's refer to that person as Helen Aunty - who I think of as First among Firsts also attended the dinner along with his/her partner: it was their first KhushDC event after a gap of several years.

Now I may be biased, and I may get hauled over the coals for saying this, but I think of Helen Aunty (HA) as Phoenix. For HA played a decisive role in raising KhushDC Phoenix-like from the ashes of stagnation a few years ago and set up the first governing committee which is now called the Board. Just as Mahatma Gandhi is considered India's Father of the Nation, I think of HA as Father of KhushDC, with a tenured position.

Far and Wide

There were a few new people - this was their first-ever KhushDC event. Thank you for coming, and do join us at future events! A couple of folks drove in from Philadelphia, one happened to be visiting from San Francisco, and there were a couple of Londoners.

Mistaken Identity

While having dinner, a friend complimented me for being... James Bond? No. Superman? Nyet. Dr. Dasrap Dotiwalla? You bet! Yours Truly was taken aback at being mistaken as Yours Falsely. "I am truly not Dasrap", I explained. "Truly, truly. I am truly Danin Screwalla, ESQ". I'm not sure if my friend believed me or not. I felt like wearing a dhoti that proclaimed, "I ain't no Dotiwalla".

"Just ask Dr. Pid Adage, ASP and the real Dr. Dasrap Dotiwalla, PERSP", I added.

"What are ESQ, ASP and PERSP?"

"They are titles of nobility, mobility and immunoglobulity, irrespectively", I explained. "ESQ is Esquire, ASP is Aspire and PERSP is Perspire."

"Don't drink any more alcohol", my friend replied. I promptly poured my remaining wine into his glass. Served him right for casting ASPersions on me!

Interesting Introductions

Paresh and Atul took the lead in getting us to introduce ourselves to each other. We had to describe ourselves with an adjective beginning with the same letter as our first name. I thought of introducing myself as "noxious, noisome, notorious, nattering Ninny". But my courage failed me and I said I was simply "Naughty Ninad". Never has Naughty sounded so tepid.

By the time it was the third John's turn, the j-adjectives such as jovial and jolly were already taken. I suggested jejune. (I was only trying to help). But my voice didn't carry too far and my humble and jejune suggestion died a silent death.

Doggie Bags

The vegetarian food got over quite quickly, and most people were done with dinner by the time the restaurant folks refilled the food trays. Result: come closing time, and a lot of food was left over. The restaurant folks told us to take away the remaining food with us, as they had no use for it. We got it packed into a dozen large boxes.

I asked folks from the fast-dwindling crowd to help themselves to the free food. But most people had left by the, and the few who remained did not take it - either because they did not want it or because they were going clubbing afterwards. So S, D and I took all the food with us as we were the only ones who were not going clubbing immediately thereafter and whose cars were parked nearby.

I should have enquired earlier about the excess food and announced it to everyone during dinner. Next time.

You Rock

Someone complimented me for helping with the setup. "You're awesome!", she said. "You Rock!" Now the first is surely a compliment, but I'm not so sure about the second. I take it as a compliment if folks call me a Stone or a Pebble, but being called a Rock is downright insulting. The same goes for furniture. Call me a sofa: insult. Call me a Chair: high honor. Queen-Size Bed: Compliment. Stool: Worst possible insult. And so on...

Jokes apart, a big Thank You to Joel for first suggesting Singapore Bistro, and a less big Thank You to Atul for seconding it a couple of weeks later! Thank you Divya for working out the details of the arrangement by meeting Singapore Bistro's Grace Jin (aka Amazing Grace) in person!

But the biggest thank you goes to all those of you who attended. As the wag said, "Do come again!"

--Ninad Jog

KhushDC Board

January Potluck

January 23, 2008

Hi Khushies,

Last Saturday's potluck at Paresh's home in Herndon, VA was a well-attended (25 people) and fun (lots of laughs and gossip) event. Thanks Paresh for hosting the potluck!

Wine, Men and Money

There was ample delicious food to go around. Most people brought entrees, and S & M made some great mango lassi. S & M is not what you think; it's who you may not think. I'm going to have to refer to many people by letters such as A, B, C, D, E, F, G etc. (rather than W, X, Y, Z) instead of using their real names. Naughty Ninny requested me to protect his privacy by not using his real name, so I'm going to use the letter 'I' for him.

There was sushi, there were subs and there were four rices to go around. (The plural of rice is indeed rices, just as the feminine gender of vex is vixen...) The red wine flowed freely, as did the beer, and the desserts were wicked and sumptuous. Now I don't have a sweet tooth - or even a sweet tongue for that matter - so every time I ate a bite of dessert, I had to follow it up with eating some of the spicy and tasty 'Ragdo Patties' that Dip - KhushDC's ex-VP and Webmaster - had made.

Wine can intoxicate, but food can lead you astray. We were going to charge those who didn't get a dish $8. But I forgot about it completely, and I even brushed it aside when G reminded me about it. A chorus of voices again reminded me to start collecting the $8 after we were done with dinner. But I figured that we had not had a shortage of food, and only a couple of people had not brought any food item. As if to make up for it, a couple of people had brought two or more dishes.

Besides, it would have looked beggarly to ask people for money after everyone had had their fill and there was no obvious use for the money: it's not like we were going to use that money to buy pizza or anything. Just as democracy is "of the people, by the people, for the people", potluck money is best "asked with pizzaz, for the pizza". Result: There may be no such thing as a free lunch, but boy, this was a free dinner for most of us!

People and Trauma

Of the 25 people, 3 were women. I won't reveal what the other 22 were as I don't want to get into gender identity questions and find myself in a catch-22 situation. This was the first KhushDC event for at least two LGBT people, and for at least two straight people. Both Yassir and Atul, KhushDC's co-founders, graced the event and regaled us with their wit and their humor. I on the other hand had just half my energy reserves with me that evening, so rather than being witty and funny, I had to content myself with being a half-wit. (Shhh. That's a secret.)

As I checked the RSVP list before attending the event, I noticed that exactly one woman - a person named C - had RSVPed. So I urgently emailed D,
"D, please come to the potluck, or else C will be traumatized at being the only woman there."
As it turned out, D wasn't able to make it to the potluck and the traumatization did take place.

But it wasn't C who got traumatized; it was I.
As I headed for the potluck, I got a text message from D, "Relax man, C is a man, not a woman".
The way I saw it, C had undergone a gender change via an SMS message. Talk about tele-medicine. Naturally, I was quite traumatized by it.

As it turned out, D was correct, and three other women did attend. But at least two of them were non-LGBT. I felt like approaching Lady Three and saying, "Hi, I'm gay. Are you lesbian?" It's best to cut to the chase. But I figured some folks might think of it as rude, so I refrained. Maybe next time! As for the two non-LGBT women, the only thing that one said to the other was, "Bye, I'm leaving now. I didn't meet you, but it was nice meeting you!"

Phone Dating

Speaking of tele-medicine reminds me of our talk of tele-dating. And I'm now going to renege on my promise of using the first letters of the alphabet to identify people; I will now use the last few. As we chatted and gossiped after dinner, the talk turned to Khushies who used to be in the DC area but who have now moved to a city which is as far from DC as Seattle. I shall not reveal whether or not it's actually Seattle, just to protect people's privacy.

"I dated S by phone", said V.
Everyone burst out laughing. I didn't laugh though. "I can feel your pain", I felt like telling V. "For I too have dated people - O, P and Q - by phone. Only then did I muster enough courage to date R, T and W by meeting them in reality."
"Did you move to the next step?", Y asked V.
"What's that?"
"Did you switch to dating by email?"
Everyone howled with laughter. So did I. My pain was now gone. "I can feel your pleasure", I felt like telling Y.

Potluck Help

"Tell Paresh that we will bring the paper plates, cups, utensils and ice for the party", JK had advised me. Now JK is no flip-flop, so I dutifully called Paresh and made the offer. "No need, I have everything", he replied. I repeated the offer again later, and he gave the same reply.

When I went to Paresh's home for the potluck, I was astounded that he used regular china plates, glass glasses and metal utensils. That was quite a treat. I offered to clean-up after the event, but Paresh turned down the offer. Man of Action (MoA) that I am, I resolved to set up a committee to urge Paresh to accept our offer of help. But R and JK decided that actions spoke louder than committee reports. They started loading the dishwasher. Result: We helped Paresh with some of the after-dinner cleanup, but not with any of the pre-event setup.

It was now approaching midnight, and all of us Cinderellas got ready to leave, lest our cars turned into pumpkins. Thank Paresh though we all did, a couple of folks couldn't help making other suggestions.
"Let me choose a spot on your carpet where I can spill wine", said one. (Everyone laughed.)
"Let's play pony", said another. (Everyone felt desire.)
I didn't make any such comments, as I've resolved to stop being acerbic and sarcastic.

I do not even remember who made those suggestions. Was it K? L? M? Other? I was so wasted by then that I not only didn't remember people's names, I had also forgotten that people have names.

So I drove home, curled myself into a tight ball and went to sleep.

--Ninad

An Extraordinary Life

April 4, 2007

Hi Khushies,

I recently read a highly interesting non-fiction book, ‘An Extraordinary Life’, by Mehrunissa Khan, Princess of Rampur, a princely state (kingdom) in north India. The author is a daughter of a Nawab i.e. king or the Muslim equivalent of a Hindu Maharaja. She grew up in palaces, surrounded by jewelry and other riches, exposed at once to the often-contradictory pulls of Muslim, Western, Indian and Hindu cultures, yet largely cocooned off from the political developments on the Indian subcontinent during the waning days of British rule.

Like most Indian women of that era, the author was forced into an arranged marriage: a loveless and unhappy one that ended in divorce. She had to go to great lengths to get divorced, since it was rare for a Muslim lady to initiate a divorce. She later fell in love with a man from Pakistan, but Pakistani law forbade Pakistanis from marrying Indians, so Pakistan’s President had to change the law to allow them to marry.

Wouldn’t it be nice if this book was somehow associated with Washington DC, with gays, and with KhushDC in particular? Such links do exist!

* The author is now settled in suburban Washington DC for the past several years, and is a professor of languages at the United States Department of Agriculture.

* The book is about 200 pages long and is highly articulate and well-written. There is exactly one sentence in it that mentions the bisexuality of the author’s father, the Nawab of Rampur. It goes something like, “He was a big womanizer, and he also loved to enjoy himself with men all night.”

Male homosexuality is termed “Nawabi Shauk” i.e. hobby of the Nawabs in North India, and the author’s father was an example.

* The author thanks five people in the acknowledgments. One of them is a well-known and well-regarded longtime member of KhushDC!

* I am acquainted for over a year with one of the persons appearing in the book. That person introduced me to the book when I recently told them about my being gay.

* Other links to KhushDC might exist, but mum’s the word, and my lips are henceforth sealed!

Check out the book if you get a chance. The book is published in India, and is not available in the U.S. The only other personal accounts ranging from India to Pakistan and Europe that I’ve read are some of Salman Rushdie’s books such as Midnight’s Children, Shame, etc. Exceedingly well-written though they are, they are fictional and the satire in them borders on dismissiveness and contempt.

‘An Extraordinary Life’ suffers from no such deficiencies. It leaves us in awe of the author’s courage and gumption – which others around her perceived as gall – and we can empathize with the personal tragedies that the author suffered. The book is literally unputdownable.

--Ninad

The Chutney Grind

January 7, 2008

A big thank you to all of you who attended the Chutney Saturday dinner this past Saturday at the Bua Thai restaurant, followed by clubbing at Black Cat. Here's the customary after-dinner essay for those of you who missed the event and for those of you who didn't.

We had an unprecedented high turnout of 45 people for the dinner, which is head and shoulders and chest above the previous high of 26 last August, and 17 last month. A turnout of 15 was considered a big success until just a few months ago. We would have had 55 people, but 10 who had initially RSVPed subsequently canceled.

Diversity Shines

The crowd was delightfully diverse. There were a dozen women, a number of non-South Asians, a couple of folks from the Asian Queer group AQUA, a number of first-timers, a number of long-lost Khushies, a number of visitors from Baltimore and beyond, and also a cute couple visiting from small-town Indianapolis. The age diversity was also striking. The youngest attendees were 7 and 9, and the oldest were as old as hillocks. I wouldn't say they were as old as the hills, as that phrase refers to the very old. I almost forgot to mention. There were much more than many men too.

There were folks who grew up in India, Pakistan, Sri Lanka and Bangladesh, as well as many who grew up here in the U.S. or in Africa or elsewhere. This was a welcome contrast to a few years ago, when KhushDC event attendees were almost exclusively Indian-born and India-raised.

Luminaries Glow

There was no dearth of luminaries. Atul and Yassir, KhushDC's two co-founders were present, as was Wen Chen, a co-founder of AQUA. Two former Presidents also graced the occasion: Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter. Ooops, I mean Paresh and Amrita, two former KhushDC Presidents. Christopher Dyer who is the ANC Commissioner, Director of the Office of LGBT Affairs and a distinguished member of Washington DC Mayor Fenty's cabinet also joined us for dinner.

I could tell from the glow that the other attendees exuded that they too were luminaries in their own way. But there were too many of them and I was too caught up with counting the check money to get a chance to natter or hobnob with the other nabobs.

KhushDC has always had diverse members and a luminary or two always attends any Khush event. But it's rare to have so much diversity and so many luminaries converging to any single event.

Humor Lightens

We would have chatted with our neighbors at the table and eaten our food and thought we had a good time. But we had an even better time, thanks to Paresh. He created the glue that bonded us together as a group and gave us an opportunity to laugh at each other. Paresh suggested that we introduce ourselves to each other and also tell everyone what we would do if our house were to start burning down.

The responses were varied. Some folks said they would save their cats or their dogs and their partner, though not necessarily in that order. Jimmy Carter said she would hold herself responsible if her house started burning, for only she could have set it afire. A couple of people said they would save their passports; others said they would save their family pictures.

I thought of saying that I'd immediately go out and start looking for a rental apartment. But I had second thoughts. "It's best not to reveal secrets", I figured.
So I said something else. "I shall save the fire-extinguisher from the house", I revealed.
No one laughed.
I sat back down.
Humor delights when it succeeds. It embarrasses when it falls flat.

Food Fills

A number of people reached the venue well before 8.00 p.m., and most attendees were in place by 8.15. Yet it was 8.40 or so by the time we ordered our food. It came as a pleasant surprise when the food arrived almost instantly thereafter.

The vegetarian dish that I ordered tasted great. But its amount was so paltry that it amounted to having a snack rather than a meal. I've had a similar experience at some Thai restaurants in the past. I didn't come across anyone else bitching about their food, so I reckon folks enjoyed theirs.

Wallets Bleed

The total bill came to $632, inclusive of the 10% tax and an 18% tip. So the food + drinks tab was $494. We collected $658, which is $26 more than the total. We had been seated at three tables, and I learned that the 20 or so people seated at the long table nearest the window had collectively paid $40 more, mainly because there was not enough change.

We had enough in $1 bills by the time we collected money from all three tables, and I thought of returning the excess money to those from table # 3 who had overpaid. But most of the people from that table had left their table, and a chorus of voices told me that I should give the excess money to the restaurant as a tip. So that's what we did. By factoring in the excess $26, we ended up paying a 23% tip, rather than an 18% tip.

Drama Delights

No LGBT event is complete without its fair share of drama. You already know how Thai Tanic stood us up on Saturday afternoon, forcing a last-minute change to Bua Thai. Even before Jahangir went to Thai Tanic to talk to them, their promises sounded fishy to me, so I called Divya - the KhushDC President - and suggested that we ready a Plan B.

Divya said she would check with nearby restaurants and call me back in ten minutes. But she did not call back in ten minutes; she called back just in five. She had checked with three other nearby restaurants - including an Ethiopian restaurant across the street from Thai Tanic - and found that they were either too small to seat us all or they could not arrange the seating at such short notice.

Luckily, Bua Thai was a welcome exception. It was ready to seat 40 people in a separate upstairs room at short notice, and it was just three blocks away from Thai Tanic. Most importantly, it too was a Thai restaurant. I am sure some folks who had RSVPed would have canceled their plans if we had made a last-minute switch from Thai to another cuisine.

"So should I go ahead and reserve Bua Thai?", Divya asked.
I was hesitant. "I'm not sure if we have the phone numbers of all 35 RSVPs", I said. "Besides, let's see what Jahangir has to say about Thai Tanic."
Jahangir called a few minutes later from Thai Tanic. I was hoping against hope that we could continue with Thai Tanic. But those hopes were dashed.
"We have a plan B", I told Jahangir. Jahangir then admonished Thai Tanic and told them to re-direct any Khush attendees to Bua Thai.

We now had no choice but to switch to Bua Thai, whether or not we had everyone's phone numbers. Divya offered to stand outside Thai Tanic for 45 minutes until 8.30 pm to re-direct those who hadn't got the message: those who we could not contact or those who we didn't know were coming since they had not RSVPed. Divya, Jahangir and I then divvied up the list of RSVPs and decided which of us would call whom.

I know for a fact that Divya re-directed at least one person when she waited outside Thai Tanic that evening. I am sure she must have done more than one re-direction.

Future Beckons

Given the large number of folks who attended the Chutney Saturday dinner, it's a good bet that future Chutneys will have a similarly high - and maybe even higher - attendance. Rehan, Paresh and a number of others have suggested that we do a dinner buffet next time. That will simplify the accounting, accommodate a larger crowd, present us with a wider variety of food at a fixed price, and most importantly of all, give us the time and the breathing space to mingle more extensively with each other.

So we will aim to organize a dinner buffet next month onwards. We haven't organized one before, so we welcome all suggestions. Do you know which restaurants are open to arranging dinner buffets on Saturday evenings? The closer to Dupont the better it will be. The place should be big enough to seat 50 people.

Thank Yous Rock

I would like to extend a special Thank You to those of the attendees who took extra efforts to attend the event. S, who came to the event with two small kids, and X, who drove from a town 50 miles away, but couldn't stay for dinner as he/she had to return home early that night, and to many others.

Thanks Harish, Jahangir and Divya for your assistance with the event setup, the money collection for the dinner check and for the membership drive.

Many - probably most - of the dinner attendees then headed to Black Cat for DJ Rekha's Bhangra Blowout. I was so blown out from the day's bhangra that I headed to Java House with a few folks for dessert and then headed home. It feels good when your home isn't burning...

See you at a future KhushDC event!

--Ninad
KhushDC Board

Jalwa Party Feedback

December 9, 2007

Hi Khushies,

A big Thank You to all those of you who came to KhushDC's Jalwa Dance Party at the Karma Lounge last night. I hope you had a good time and enjoyed yourself. Please let us know all the things we can do to make the next Jalwa party better.

More than a couple of folks asked me today, "Was Jalwa a success or was it a failure?"
I would say that the answer depends upon the yardsticks that we set for success or failure and how high or low we set the bar.

People, People

The 51-odd people who attended the party (okay, okay, not ALL 51 were odd; only 2/3 of them were) looked like they had a lot of fun. They were dancing, singing, smiling, wining, laughing and taking breaks in between, among other things. The crowd was a diverse one. A few folks from AQUA - the Asian LGBT group - joined us, including one of AQUA's newly elected co-chairs. There were a number of women: both straight and lesbian, South Asian and non.

At least a couple of folks came from out of town, which makes them the 'first among esteemed guests'. One of them was a South Asian economist who happened to be visiting from Boston. Another was an esteemed gentleman who drove down to DC from a not-so-nearby town just to attend Jalwa after coming across a Jalwa ad in Craig's List. This gentleman used to be a frequent visitor to the Clinton White House.

Though there were some new South Asian faces, I was struck by the large number of 'oldbies' (which is the opposite of newbies). As I looked at the crowd of dancers, I felt as if I had traveled five years back in time. A number of folks who were regular Khush event participants at that time, but seldom attended Khush events nowadays, were there in full force.

The mixed Bollywood music was nice, but the beats were so loud at times that they drowned out the words of some good songs. I will leave it to the other attendees to describe the music and the dancing as their music and dance tastes are a lot more refined and perceptive than my own! Most folks liked the venue a lot and said KhushDC should have future Jalwa parties at the same place.

Member Discounts

Of the 51 attendees, about 8 (i.e. 16%) were what we refer to as "registered KhushDC members" i.e. those who had paid their annual $15 membership dues within the past one year and hence got a $5 discount on their Jalwa ticket. What I find more striking is that KhushDC has 42 registered members, but less than 20% of them attended the Jalwa party.

Of these 8 registered KhushDC members, 6 were either Board members of former Board members or their partners / boyfriends.

A Numbers Game

KhushDC's net income in Jalwa ticket sales was $675, including the 5 tickets purchased online. $675 is also the exact amount that KhushDC paid Karma Lounge for renting the venue. KhushDC paid an additional $400-odd for Amer, the DJ. We did not break even on this event. But KhushDC has sufficient reserves in its bank account to pay for the loss.

From what I know, each Jalwa party costs KhushDC $1000 to $1100, and we have always broken even or made a profit in the past. Previous KhushDC Boards have organized 2 to 3 Jalwa parties every year, but yesterday's party is the first one organized by the Board that took over last summer, and is the first Jalwa since March 2007.

As Jalwa parties go, I think this one was one of the more thinly attended parties, if not THE most thinly attended one. There could be several reasons for the low attendance. The party was organized on a short two-week notice; someone please correct me if I'm mistaken. It also happened to be scheduled on the same day as the annual holiday parties of several organizations and corporations, and this may have robbed us potential attendees. Maybe, maybe not.

The Karma Address

We also made the mistake of advertising an incorrect street address for the venue. We advertised "1919 Eye Street", instead of "1919 Pennsylvania Ave". We also forgot to mention that the venue was at the intersection of Eye St. and 19th Street. Though the two addresses are just one block apart from each other, at least one person had trouble finding the place due to the incorrect address, and we will know in the coming week whether any folks couldn't make it due to the address error.

A Fifty-Fifty Deal

Having advertised the event in a number of LGBT and non-LGBT forums; South Asian and general forums, we were hoping and expecting a turnout of around 100. But the reality was half the expectation.

This reminds me of another 50-100 incident. Nirad Chaudhuri, a Bengali accountant from the last century became convinced at age 51 that he was going to die soon. So he wrote a large autobiography titled, "Autobiography of an Unknown Indian". But he was wrong about his death. He went on living, became a famous writer and finally died in 1999 at age 102. Reality is sometimes twice one's expectation; yesterday it was quite the opposite.

The Sobriety Surprise

As 2 a.m. neared and the party's end approached, I and a number of others noticed a non-South Asian person who was drunk to the point where he was having trouble standing up, and was leaning against the bar counter. That's when it struck me: none of the South Asians appeared drunk. Maybe I was just standing too far from them to notice. In any case, they seemed to be a lot closer to being sober than to being drunk. I hadn't traveled back in time after all. The passage of years is known to mellow people; I suppose it sobers them down too!

Sign Off

A big Thank-You to Divya, Jahangir, Harish and Amy for organizing the Jalwa. Thanks also to a number of previous Board members for giving us lots of useful tips and advice. Thank you Salman, Jay, Hasseb and Suresh for volunteering to help at the door with the ticketing.

We welcome your comments, criticisms, perspective etc.

That brings us to the end of this update / feedback / postmortem note. Boy, you must have had some patience to have read through all this!

--Ninad Jog
KhushDC Board

December Chutney

December 6, 2007

Hi Khushies,

I thought I would save you the bother of reading yet another descriptive Chutney essay. But I've received inquiring emails from a number of people: "How was the Chutney dinner?" "Did anyone show up at all?" I figured I'd inflict the answers on all of you.

There were 17 attendees at last Saturday's Malaysian Chutney dinner at the Straits of Malaya restaurant. That's a decent number, but it's less than the 20+ that we've had over the past 4 months. The short 5-day notice, the cold weather and the holiday season may have contributed to the low turnout.

There were no women attendees. One of the Khush women told me that women stay away from such events because Khush women aren't all that keen on attending social events. That may well be true, but I find it next to impossible to believe.

Roaring Twenties

The dinner was at 8, but it was 8.20 or so by the time enough folks showed up for us to enter the restaurant and get seated. I had swaddled myself in four layers of clothing as though I was headed to the South Pole (that's the favorite pole of South Asians, which I found out by taking a poll...). But others were not as swaddled, so those of us who waited to enter the restaurant kept shivering like there was only tonight and no tomorrow.

I had originally made reservations for 20 people, and the restaurant had arranged for us to sit in a nice separate underground room next door at Larry's Lounge, like they did back in August. But given the low number of RSVPs, I reduced the number to 15, so the restaurant arranged a big table for us in their main room. On second thoughts, I should have stuck to the number 20. Alas, hindsight is 20-20!

Contrasts

Back in August, one of the gay co-owners of the restaurant had welcomed us and had been all friendly and smiling-smiling towards us. He was absent this time though, and the contrast was quite telling, quite jarring. This time the head waiter did not spare us even half a smile, and I got the impression that he was quite peeved. Was it because we came almost half an hour late?

I ordered a vegetarian dish and requested steamed tofu instead of fried tofu.
"We have only one kind of tofu", came the curt reply.
"Can you give me raw tofu, without having to fry it?"
"We have only one kind of tofu", he repeated, looking annoyed.
"Okay, I'll have my dish without tofu then."

My friend X smiled at me. I was on the defensive. "I don't do fried anything", I explained. "They had given me steamed tofu back in August."
X's smile grew wider. "You're one big Steam Queen!", he remarked.
"Say what you want", I told him. "But I think of myself as Steam Engine".
"Aw, look at you, you're all steamed up now!", X remarked with a giggle.
I didn't respond. I let that pass. You can go only so far with bad puns.
But X managed to have the last laugh. "Looks like you've simply run out of steam", he grinned.

Check, Check

After dinner I collected everyone's paper chit on which they had written the item they had ordered and its price. I added 10% tax and a 20% tip. I had planned on doing the accounting in a scientific manner, so I had got my scientific calculator. But it was no use, since the calculator's battery died, forcing me to employ my brain to do the calculations. (Okay, I got my scientific calculator because that's the only battery-powered calculator I have).

We squared up the bill correctly: there was no shortfall this time. My friend R and his partner C suggested that we calculate just the 10% tax and leave the tip amounts to the discretion of the individual diners for future Chutneys. I think that's a good idea; we will do that next time. That will reduce our accounting work and it will give folks who have been denied steamed tofu the freedom to give just a 0.1% tip.

We exited the restaurant and a bunch of us went to one or more dance clubs. We had planned on going to Town, the new club, but I don't know if anyone did that night. I felt like disappearing into thin air, as I'm wont to do, but that night's air was cold, heavy and thick. So instead I headed for the Metro and vanished underground.

--Ninad
KhushDC Board

Stone Ages

December 4, 2007

I agree wholeheartedly with Norman Pflanz, Grand Cherokee and Naresh.

Barbarism is barbarism, even if it is mandated by culture or religion and is vigorously supported by cowardly apologists for the status quo. As someone said, "Those who stay silent in the face of oppression acquiesce in it". Even worse, those who hide under the amoral skirts of cultural relativism only succeed in perpetuating it.

As Naresh pointed out, there may well be some practices in Western cultures and countries that are "not right". But pointing fingers at those practices as a reflexive response to the criticism directed at the teacher-lashing Sudan incident smacks of vengefulness.

Some folks are so riled at what they see as human rights abuses occurring in Western countries that they robotically lash out and vent their anti-Western frustrations whenever someone calls a spade - a barbaric act - occurring in a developing country - a spade. It doesn't matter to them that their anti-Western lashing out is perfectly irrelevant to the specific barbaric teacher-lashing incident.

Barbarism In India

There were a number of barbaric practices in India 100 to 200 years ago. The worst was the practice of "sati", where a widow was burnt live on her dead husband's funeral pyre. This was a cultural norm, and I'm sure there must have been many people during that time who defended that practice not just as a "cultural norm that must be respected and continued", but as a Hindu holy practice.

The British ruled India at that time, and if any British person objected to the practice, I'm sure that apologists for barbarity must have accused the British person of being "Hindu-phobic", just as some people now accuse the Sudan teacher of being Islam-phobic. Looks like religious zealotry and fanaticism - the two bastard children of narrow mindedness and willful ignorance - are still very much alive.

Back then, Indian social reformers (Ishwarchandra Vidyasagar and Maharshi Karve are just two of them) had to walk a fine line. They opposed British rule of India on the one hand. But their aversion to India's own homegrown barbaric practices was thankfully so great that they did not hesitate to do all they could to end those barbaric practices.

For every social reformer, I'm sure there were a dozen - if not hundreds of - cowardly follow-the-herders who simply protested against the British every time the British objected to any barbaric Indian practice. I guess that's why social reformers were considered bold: rather than condoning barbarism, they saw it for what it was and worked to eliminate it.

--Ninny

--- In khushdc@yahoogroups.com, Norman Pflanz wrote:
>
> Rupen, you may not be "advocating" what happened but you are condoning it, which is just as bad and perhaps more cowardly. The Sudanese government's actions are barbaric and violate all standards of international human rights. They should be condemned without any equivocation or justification.

Welcome Women's History Month

November 28, 2007

Hi All,

Please join me in welcoming Salman to the khushdc-govern group! Salman recently moved to the DC area. Some of you met him last weekend at Rehan's home during Chat-N-Chai.

Mind you, this Salman is different from the Salman featured in Harjant Gill's documentary, "Milind Soman Made Me Giggle Giggle". If I were a believer, I would have added, "And thank God for that!" But being a devout atheist, I shall say no such thing.

On a different note, I liked Dan's email and his ideas. I too think we should keep TWO awards rather than just one: one for an in-towner and another for an out-of-towner. I agree that allotting a longer time to the discussion/dialog during the event will attract fewer people to the event.

One way to get around it is to proclaim that the event will be from time X to time Y, but keep the venue booked for 1 or 2 hours beyond Y. Y would we do that? So we can let the event overrun its allotted time and the discussions and dialogs can go on and on, much to everyone's delight.

I also humbly propose that we change the event's name to Womens' History Aphrodisiac Month. There. Wham, WHAM!

Welcome, Salman!

--Nattering Ninny

The Nut Case

October 11, 2007

--- In khushdc@yahoogroups.com, "Daniel" wrote:
>
> Hi Praveen
> Welcome to DC. Only Ninad is the nutty person in the group. The rest of
> us are much more boring. ;p
> Dan

Welcome Praveen and all ye who moved recently to DC but unlike Praveen, were too shy to announce their arrival. I think Dan is being extra modest and humble. I am indeed nutty, but everyone else isn't much more boring; they are only just a little more boring. The difference is one of degree than of unkind.

I tried hard for years and years to be non-nutty, since nuts were high-fat and therefore bad, bad, bad. But now study after scientific study confirms that nuts are good for health, since they contain good fats, vegetable protein, vitamin E, un-nameable substances and whatnot. So then I had to spend months and months working hard to get nutty. After all, it's best to do what's good for health.

I love to be complimented, but I do get offended if someone slights me. If I see an insult being hurled at me, I promptly hide my face in a turquoise silk veil and retreat into a sad corner. My detractors say that I get all defensive, but hey, what's wrong about being defensive? One has to do what one can to salvage oneself. My detractors are now saying that I'm getting all defensive about being defensive. Just ignore them.

A case in point: I have two dear fiends, Atharva Statin and Simha Statin, who love to rub me the wrong way as often as they can. Atharva is the more potent and aggressive one (so my pet name for him is Libidor), while Simha is his weak and sleepy fraternal twin (I call him by the pet name Zznor). Their last names used to be Srinivasamurthy, but they shortened and simplified them to Statin.

Simha's first name was Narasimha, meaning male-lion, but he was like, "I don't need to announce to the world that I'm a man. Isn't it obvious when people look at me?" Atharva was like, "Yeah, right!" Pleased at his twin's approval, Narasimha dropped the prefix Nara, and announced it by emailing his family and friends, "Just call me Simha, or Loin." Simha is no good at spelling, and his spellchecker never even purred - let alone roar - with disapproval at Loin. After all, spellcheckers don't yet catch Freudian slips...

But I am digressing. Libidor called me "Nut-Case" the other day. I was deeply offended and took immediate umbrage. I use plastic or metallic boxes to store nuts, and people use all kinds of boxes - square, rectangular, circular - even shapeless garments - to store said objects. Imagine being called a jewel by your loved ones, only to be called jewel-box by your fiends. How insulting is that!

Now, I'm not thin-skinned or anything. Libidor agrees and says, "Yeah, right." Call me monkey, donkey, pig, etc. and I take it as a compliment. But if anyone calls me a sofa or a chair or a table, I get quite offended. I once had a heated argument with Libidor and Zznor. "You chair!", cried Zznor. "He's such a sofa", added Libidor. I couldn't take it anymore after they tabled those insults. Being called an animal is one thing, but being called a piece of furniture is quite another. I stormed out of their home, and drove back to my own home in freezing rain at 2.30 am in the night. Enough was enough.

Even bullshit has its limits!

--Nutty Ninny

Chutney Checklist

October 9, 2007

Hi KhushDC Gov'nors,

Please welcome Amy Shah as the new KhushDC Treasurer! Amy has been the at-large Board member until now. I am leaving the Treasurer's post as I will be out of town for the next few months i.e. I will be the one who will truly be at large.

Since I am leaving, I thought I'd share with you my perspective and experiences in making the Chutney dinner events a success. I am certain that Chutney dinners will be at least as well-attended - if not more so - during my absence. Nevertheless, you will be able to apply the techniques that I used if you find them useful. I'm guessing that these techniques will be just as useful in attracting Khushies to events other than Chutney.

In my eyes, a Chutney dinner is successful if 20 or more folks attend it. The number of attendees in August, September and October were 23, 22 and 20 respectively, compared with 1 in June and 0 in July (or vice-versa). I looked into the lists of attendees and found that the number of *distinct* people who attended the Aug, Sept and Oct Chutneys totals exactly 50! That tells me it's possible to get 50 people to attend a future Chutney dinner, and it's easy to get 50 or more people to attend a more popular event such as a potluck.

8-10 women attended the August event; only 1 attended the September event and 2 came for the October event. The fact that 8-10 women attended the August event tells me that Chutney dinner is not the kind of event that women are naturally repelled from; it just means we have to do more to attract a larger number of women to future Chutneys.

Some of you may have read the description that I wrote of the October Chutney; I posted it yesterday at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/khushdc/message/10803.

Chutney Checklist

1. Choose a dinner venue 2 weeks to 10 days before the event; make sure the restaurant is large enough to have a seating area for 20-25 people.

2. Choose an ethnic restaurant (Indian, Thai, Chinese, Ethiopian, etc.) rather than American or French. Khushies prefer spicy food and spicier gossip.

3. Pick a restaurant that's near the popular dance clubs; preferably in Dupont since not only is Dupont the gay area, but it's also centrally located so it's easy for folks from Maryland and Virginia to converge to.

Anti-RSVP

4. I have explained to some of you what I mean by an anti-RSVP. Whereas an RSVP is one where the Board passively waits for confirmations from people, an anti-RSVP is one where we actively solicit our friends and acquaintances, asking them if they would like to come to Chutney dinner. You wouldn't believe it, but there are quite a few Khushies who feel very happy that a Board member has 'extended them a personal invitation', and they decide to attend Chutney only because of that.

If I know the person well-enough, I anti-RSVP them by making a phone call and inviting them by talking to them in person (rather than leaving the invitation message on their voice-mail); otherwise I invite them by sending a personal email.

In my experience, the anti-RSVP has a 'yield rate' of only 50% for any particular Chutney i.e. at most 50% of those who I have solicited are able to make it. But even those who can't make it remember the personal invitation, and tend to attend the next Chutney because of it. Of the 20 folks who attended last weekend's October Chutney, only 5 were passive RSVPs; the other 15 anti-RSVP'ed to me or Harish or Jahangir. That tells me that absent the anti-RSVP, only 7-10 people would have attended the Chutney dinner.

Reminders and Advance Feedback

5. Keep sending reminders about the event on the khushdc listserv during the week before the event. This has always been done: it was also done in June and July. Yet, why did no one show up in June and July, and why do people show up now?

I think it's crucial to give advance feedback about the number of attendees. When we tell folks something such as, "We have 10 confirmations so far, and 4 Maybes" with each reminder, readers start thinking, "Hmmn, maybe I should attend Chutney this time, since it looks like quite a few people are attending, and I will get to meet them". It doesn't matter if you've built those numbers 10 and 4 by soliciting (anti-RSVPing) your friends, acquaintances and lackeys.

It's nice if the numbers go up with each successive reminder. It gives the message that more people are joining in; that the event is getting more popular, adding to the incentive to join it.

On the other hand, if we keep sending event reminders without providing any feedback of the number of confirmations and maybes, folks start thinking, "Oh, it looks like the KhushDC Board is not getting anyone to attend Chutney, so they are desperately sending reminder after reminder. If no one's going to Chutney, why I should I bother going? I won't meet anyone, and it will be a big waste of my time."

I believe that this absence of feedback played a big role in the collapse and cancellation of the June and July Chutneys dinners, and it could play a similar role in the future.

Advance Gossip

6. Whenever I anti-RSVP someone, they always ask me, "So, who else is coming to Chutney?" I first tell them the number of people who have confirmed, and I then use my knowledge of who is out, and who are this person's friends, who he knows, etc. to tell them the names of some of the other attendees. When they hear the names of their friends, they too feel like going; when they hear the name of an acquaintance, they are like, "Oh, I haven't met so-and-so in such a long time. I think I'll attend Chutney too."

This sort of thing works for me as well. For instance, I went to see Feroz Abbas Khan's movie, "Gandhi, My Father", only because I knew Divya was going to see it. Never mind that I did not sit with Divya and Shiva during the movie. If on the other hand, I didn't know that she or any of my friends were going, I would not have bothered going to see the film, no matter how highly acclaimed the film was.

I know a couple of people who didn't go to see any film at the recent APA film festival simply because they didn't know anyone else who was going.

Large as KhushDC is, it is small enough that many Khushies attend events only if they know the identities of some of the attendees.

Target Listservs

7. We should post the event announcements on the following listservs.

KhushDC: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/khushdc/
KhushDC-Events: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/khushdc-events/
KhushDC-Girls:
KhushDC-Members: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/khushdc-members/

AQUA: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/aquadc
APIQS:

Place an ad in the Blade if possible. Messages on the khushdc-events listserv can be read by anyone (even non-members), so when we send a Chutney reminder, we can include the link to the detailed message posted on khushdc-events.

Event Clash

8. I imagine that one of the reasons why just 2 women attended last weekend's Chutney was that KhushDC Girls was having a long 3-hour meeting the next day. Forced to choose between which of the two events to attend on a single day, it's but natural that most women chose the KhushDC Girls event. (There were many other events on Saturday, Chutney day, so women may have chosen those over Chutney, too.)

For the past few years, I and a couple of others have been running a sub-group of Marathi-speaking gays, and we host a potluck once in a few months. We make sure that the Marathi event isn't on the same weekend as a KhushDC event, since we don't want to force people to choose one event over the other.

I realize that it may not be possible to achieve such 'event-balancing' with KhushDC Girls or with any other group, but it may be worth trying.

Caveats

Having read through all the above, you may be thinking, "Duh, why has Ninad bothered stating the obvious?" Or you may be of the opinion that some or none of the above points will affect event attendance. You may well be correct: Chutney attendance may well exceed 20 or even 30 in the coming months without doing the Anti-RSVPs and making all those advances: Advance This and Advance That!

But I thought I'd post these points because I believe that they are of use not just for Chutney but for any event where we have to make an effort to get people to attend. I think Jalwa parties and potlucks are two popular exceptions: hordes of people will attend without the need for solicitations or advances!

And whether you see value in the above points or not, you must be thinking, "Ninad must be totally jobless for writing such long posts about frivolous matters!" And you're quite correct: I am indeed jobless! I'll be looking for a full-time permanent job after I return to the DC area after spending a few months in the netherworld.

I am posting this as a file titled, "Chutney Checklist" in the Files section, for easy future access.

Enjoy! (Or don't!)

--Ninad

October Chutney

October 9, 2007

Hi Khushies,

Having bored you all by posting never-ending reminders about last Saturday’s Chutney event, I feel obligated to inflict upon you another Chutney post, this time a diarrheal description of the event.

Harish the younger: Thank you for thanking me. Also thank you for helping with the billing and for arranging the restaurant reservations. Please don’t thank me for thanking you. Also, please don’t thank me for thanking you for thanking me.

Exactly 20 people – not one less, not one more – attended the Chutney dinner, although only 18 dined and a lot fewer wined. But many of us winked and we all made merry.

Success: The number of women attending the event increased by 100% compared with the September Chutney. Failures: 1 woman attended the September Chutney, and 2 attended the most recent one. Sparse attendance by women twice in a row amounts to an abject failure, and those of us on the Board need to find out why that happened and we need to fix it.

Success: One person from AQUA (the Asian gay group) attended, compared with zero in August and September.

Sound...

Only four people managed to come on time at 8 pm, so the restaurant manager – a cute young Cambodian dude – decided to seat us at 8.15. By the time we got seated at 8.25, there were more than a dozen of us, and the others soon joined in. We were seated at a long table (one of those that’s a mile long but only six inches wide), and there was a similar large group seated at a similarly long table adjacent to ours. Result: the din and the bedlam were so deafening that I felt like I was in the Indian Parliament’s Lower House.

We ordered our food and drinks and the first dishes came our way a little before 9 pm. Some liked their food; others didn’t. I liked the vegetarian entree that I ordered, but its quantity was so small that it felt like an appetizer. So I ate my neighbor’s leftovers and got full. “It’s time you learned table manners, Ninny”, whispered someone in my ear. (I think it was my alter ego.)

This time we again followed the un-classy practice of making everyone write down what they ordered on chits of paper. The chits helped while squaring up the bill at the end: the shortfall was just $15 so we collected $1 from each person to make the total.

...and Fury

Weren’t all the above happenings quite dramatic? Be honest. You bet they weren’t! Drama, as it turns out, lay in wait right outside the restaurant.

When we left the restaurant, we stood on the sidewalk outside, chatting. Two tall, thin men passed by, and one of them took umbrage at one of the Khushies. Drunk as he was, he started cursing, gesticulating wildly and flailing his arms. When the Khushie met the man’s stare, the drunk got angrier and tried to grab a long metal stick that his partner was carrying, so he could switch to violent mode. His partner kept trying to block him, but the drunk would not relent.

As this was happening right outside the restaurant, the restaurant manager came out and tried to shoo the angry person away, but he had no luck. A stalemate ensued. I then suggested to the Khushies that we start walking north along Connecticut Avenue, even though it meant walking away from the dance clubs, just so that we would leave the drunk’s presence. That strategy worked: our departure caused the angry man to melt away, and the drama ended.

Say Halo To Cobalt

Most of us then repaired to Teaism – which I came to know is a restaurant that sells tea rather than ism. We sat outside the restaurant on benches and on the lawn and gossiped about all and sundry, until it was time to head to the Dance clubs. Thither did we repair. We walked to Cobalt, but then the group split and some went to Halo though most went to Cobalt. A few of us simply headed home.

All of us who attended the Chutney were eminent in our own way, but one of the attendees was a Khushie who I think of as a first among Eminents. He is a nephew of V. S. Naipaul, the 2001 Literature Nobel Laureate. A couple of us talked with him about Naipaul’s works. What better time to do geeky literature talk than a Saturday night, right?

--Ninny

Being Bengalorian

October 8, 2007

Now, now: I am neither fully Bengalorian nor half; although when it comes to Wit, I am decidedly the latter...

But I don't want to be outdone by you guys and gals. As they say in Hindi, "Hum Bhi Kuch Kum Nahi." And so: The large 14-pound, 10-month old kitten that Dip and I have in our home is a Bengal Cat.

I may not be Bengalorian, but my pussy is.

And lest anyone chide me for being frivolous, flippant and flamboyant (Oh, fff...!), I must hasten to point out that Article 3, section 2.3(c) of the KhushDC Bye-Bye laws specifically permits KhushDC Board members to have fun every once in a while. The article states, "Ye Bored Member shall have fun and spew utter nonsense on the khushdc-govern listserv, but no more than once in an hour". There. I now have my donkey covered.

(We use words or titles twice when we respect or revere some person, place, animal or thing. Thus, there's a revered religious conman in India named Sri Sri Sri Ravi Shankar. Similarly, out of deep respect for the KhushDC Bye-Laws, I refer to them as Bye-Bye Laws. And when any dear friend is leaving after meeting me, I wave my hand and say By-By to him/her).

Hmmn, all that took more effort to write than I thought it would. As the Kannada saying goes, "Kai kesuradaray bai mosaru". And I'm always proud of what I write, even if it's all utter B.S. As the Kannada saying goes, "Hettawaligay hegaNa muddu".

Being Bengaloorian Rocks!

Meow,
--Ninny

Mundane Bored Matters

October 5, 2007

Hi gov'nors,

A bird whispered in my ear that:
someone complained that:

Mundane Board matters were 'needlessly' being discussed on this listserv, causing their mailboxes to fill-up.

Two points:

1. If your mailbox is being flooded by emails from this listserv or any other listserv, please set your setting on the group page to "No-Email". That way you can read the posts on the web at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/khushdc-govern/ when you please, rather than having messages thrust upon your mailbox.

If you're unsure of how to set to "No-Email", please let me or any of the Boardies know, and we will do that for you.

2. This listserv is primarily for the Board to communicate about all kinds of matters - from the urgent and the earth-shaking to the melodramatic and mellifluous right down to the morbidly mundane (Mmmm...).

As many of you may be aware, we tried using the pre-existing khushdc-board listserv for this purpose, but none of us have access to it since its password fell into a black hole some time ago. That's why we (where we = I) created this govern listserv.

The Board could discuss board matters by exchanging emails among themselves, but I dislike that because

a) I can't stand my mailbox being filled with a flood of needless emails about mundane Board matters and

b) Postings to this listserv are automatically archived, so that if we have questions about who said what to whom and when, it's much easier to go through this archival record that through our mailboxes.

Amen!
Ninny

Highly Renegade Chutney

October 5, 2007

Hi Khushies,

This post is basically a reminder about tomorrow's Chutney Saturday event, interspersed with a generous flotsam of redundant verbiage.

A couple of people pointed out the tomorrow's KhushDC Chutney dinner clashes with the annual much-waited-for and much-sought-after dinner hosted by Human Rights Campaign (HRC), the national level LGBTQZXREITI group.

(Honestly, I have no idea what ZXREITI stands for; I just typed in some arbitrary keys on my keyboard just to confuse myself and you.)

Those people (I would have called them kind souls - KS - if they hadn't criticized me, but since they did, I'll just refer to them as people) pointed out that HRC dinner attendees will miss Chutney dinner and versa vice. They insinuated that it was quite renegade of KhushDC to have Chutney at the same time as HRC.

Now I am a Man of Action (oops, I meant Person of action), so to sort out matters, I am hereby renaming tomorrow's KhushDC dinner as Highly Renegade Chutney (HRC) dinner. Bingo! Now no matter which dinner you attend, it will be the HRC dinner.

Attending KhushDC's HRC dinner has numerous benefits (or drawbacks, if you prefer). You won't have to be formally dressed and you won’t need to overstuff yourself with self-importance. You can still ogle at the other dinner attendees, but you won’t have to force yourself to smile at them.

As you may know, KhushDC's HRC dinner is at Thai Chef in Dupont tomorrow at 8 p.m. We have a dozen confirmations so far and a dozen Maybes. The split is dirty dirty dozen dozen.

Please join us for the dinner and clubbing, and it will be great if you RSVP for the dinner by emailing me at treasurer @ khushdc.org or Harish at secretary @ khushdc.org. But you're also welcome to join us without RSVPing. The event details are at:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/khushdc-events/message/7

--Naughty Ninny

Filmi Reasons and Flimsy Ones

September 27, 2007

Hi Khushies,

I would highly recommend that you see Harjant's film, "Milind Soman Made Me Gay" at the Asian Pacific American (APA) Film Festival, this Saturday, September 29th at 6.30 pm at the United States Navy Memorial.

Folks have previously suggested a couple of reasons for seeing this film:

1. Harjant, the filmmaker is South Asian, local and gay.
2. Show your support by going to see this film.

While going to see a film simply to "show support" may be a strong and sufficient enough reason for many of you - especially those of you who have a keen sense of political consciousness, social awareness and community-building spirit - I know there are those of you out there like me for whom the notion of doing something merely to 'show support' comes across as a flimsy and laughable reason at best, and a ridiculous one at worst.

Therefore I would like to offer you my own reasons for going to see the film. I saw the film when KhushDC sponsored / co-sponsored its screening last spring, because I had heard the buzz that it featured Khushies.

And boy, was I impressed! The documentary features Salman (thanks Salman for pointing out that the KhushDC Board needed to sponsor this film). It also features Daniel Phoenix Singh, who - as many of you know - was KhushDC's Vice President. Many of us know Dan both as a KhushDC achiever and as a warm and friendly person, so it's great to see him on film.

The film also features Ayush Gupta - another former KhushDC Vice-President and his partner. As KhushDC Board members, both Ayush and his partner did a lot for Khush. Among other things, they were instrumental in elevating the Chutney Saturday event into a well-choreographed dinner + drinks + dancing sequence. As you may recollect, Ayush was recently conferred an award at the Pride and Heritage Spring event for his contributions.

"Milind Soman Made Me Gay" is therefore the first ever film specifically about KhushDC folk, although that may not have been Harjant's goal.

When you see me - a current KhushDC Board member - heaping praise on a film that features former Board members, you may think of it as birds of a feather patting each other on the back! But for what it's worth, I formed my opinion of this film well before I became a bored member. Oops. Slip-up.

The film listing and venue details are at:
http://www.apafilm.org/2007/programs.php

Another highly-recommended film is "Bolinau 52", about refugees fleeing Vietnam in a boat, only to be attacked by pirates. This film is playing at 1.30 pm at the Rosslyn Spectrum.

Enjoy!
Ninny

Open Sesame

September 22, 2007

Hi All,

Now that this khushdc-govern listserv is jolly and vibrant (as opposed to being staid and comatose like the khushdc-members listserv is), how about we open it up by inviting those who are interested in contributing to KhushDC to join this group?

As this group is currently set up, it is supposedly for the current Board and for previous Board members. But there are a couple of people on this listserv that are neither (which is great, in my opinion), and there are 'much more than many' former Board members who have either declined to join this listserv, or were never invited to join in the first place :-)

I'm sure there are a number of Khushies out there who are neither current nor former Board members, but who will be interested in joining this listserv, and will contribute not just their suggestions but also their concrete help to the group. Inviting them to join the listserv will create a smooth paved pathway - a channel - for them to start contributing.

KhushDC Board Meeting

In theory, such folks can always come to a KhushDC Board meeting to give us their suggestions and to volunteer their help. But that's just theory, and is likely to remain so. I do not expect more than a couple of non-Boardies to show up at KhushDC Board meetings.

On the other hand, the discussions that we have here on this khushdc-govern listserv amount to participating in a perpetual Board meeting, as I see it. Inviting interested members to join this listserv will amount to ensuring their participation in this virtual Board meeting.

Old Farts

While AQUA is run by 20-somethings (from what I've heard), KhushDC is run mostly by 30-nothings. Oops, I mean 30-somethings; that was a Feudian slip. Oops, I mean Freudian slip. (There I go again.)

While it's nice that 'old farts' like me run the group, it would be nicer if greater numbers of 20-somethings participated too. I recently heard that LGBTQ South Asian college students shun KhushDC because they think of it as a group of 'old' (i.e. 30+) people.

Of course we can exhort young folks to join KhushDC - say by doing youth outreach and posting the exhortation to the khushdc listserv. But if we open this khushdc-govern listserv, then I think at least a few young folks will be excited and enthusiastic about participating and contributing to KhushDC's governance, and will eagerly join in. (Old farts will largely stay away though, as this will be passe for them).

Passion's Dilution and Pandora's Unboxing

What do yawl think of this suggestion? Is it Open Sesame or Pandora's Box? Please speak up if you're for it, against it or indifferent to it.

Although I am for it, age has mellowed the passion that I once had for fervently espousing, devilishly imposing and dictatorially implementing my opinions.

I will give you one small piece of dark chocolate if you agree with me. If you don't, then I won't think ill of you. I'll still give you an identical piece of dark chocolate. (That reminds me: Sahar, Sapna and Dan: Thank you for giving me a load of dark chocolates when I was in hospital a year ago. I ate them for weeks after coming home and I enjoyed them hugely!)

No matter what we decide - whether to open up this group or not - I'll live with that decision!

--Utterly Humble Ninny
"I'm proud of my humility." --Anonymous